My, my... It's been a long time... I have to say, the last message wasn't really constructive. But, well... When you feel down, sometimes you just need to let one or two words out, let the steam get out too.
I could have said a lot of other things, like I'm in college right now, I'm living alone, my hair has got longer... Okay, the last one isn't particularly interessing. About the first one... What a change this is. Another city, another room, other classmates, new friends... In the beginning I was feeling a little troubled about this, being here alone, having to deal with it all by myself, but I got used to it. This feeling of freedom, of growing... I really like it now -even working more. I can see myself changing. I know it is not good in every aspect of my life -oh hell no it is not- but it's like I had been waiting for this. I see things differently, I do different things too, I'm enjoying myself a lot, I get along with different people... I don't want to get all high and mighty but I really enjoy spending my time like I do right now. I just know it's what I want.
As for the side that might get affected... I should say, that is getting affected by all of this, I don't know. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to stop it. It's like a long way that would have been opened in front of me and that I couldn't avoid. I know its end, I know the consequences of taking this one particular way but I just can't do anything. Certain things on the way help me be pushed further and I don't like that... Well, I like the things themselves but it is the consequences that I dislike. Or rather... That I fear, I should say. I can pretty much guess them but I'd rather avoid that thought for now... If I can.
Next time maybe I'll try something less depressing, like how I love my friends and my cat and my wonderful-probably-almost-surely-next-house, but... Tonight, I just needed to talk about what was on my mind.
Image : Sumire-chan and Momo from Kimi Wa Pet.
