Love Lockdown

Truth is hard to swallow, so you pray to God to justify the way you live a lie, live a lie

Aw, what a day... School, work, people, school again... What a pain. It's just like I'm not getting any fun from going there. Seeing my friends does not compare to seeing the other ones -who're not particularly lighting my day- or so it seems. There's so much I want to tell them, so much I want to let out, but I can't say a word, because they just won't listen. Oh, yes, I'm just too straight-forward. Well of course that's why ! « Please, don't tell us what's wrong with us right in front of us because it's reaaally a bother. We just can't stand hearing the truth from your mouth, because you're like... totally different from us, you dare to make yourself a one-of-a-kind so whatever, anything you say just doesn't count. » Okay, fine with me. Just don't listen to me, that way I can still speak about it to people who're interested, without you complaining and insulting me.
Ow, life would be perfect right now, if it wasn't for those idiots. Well, anyway, I'll just ignore them. But if you could just leave me alone for a bit, I'd even thank you -maybe.
... Or maybe not that perfect. Exams are dangerously getting closer and I feel like I'm totally out of strength. No motivation for studying... Coming home, eating, studying, studying, sleeping, studying, going to school, having your nerves completely twisted... Aw, no, this is not for me... Maybe I should become buddhist, what do you think ? That seems like a good idea.
... Or maybe not that perfect at all. What was I thinking, "perfect" ! Am I dumb or what ? Whatever... Crap, why's it hard ? Why's it hard keeping it from getting into my mind everytime ? Why is it that when I want to think about something else, it creeps into my head ! Damn it, I didn't want it to become like that. It's like I'm some junkie who needs drugs ; I'm missing a thing too often. Want to know the worst part for me ? A saw our future. I saw it all. And I want it bad. I want it all. But I can't. And it's killing me. Maybe that's how it is. But you know what ? I want to say it. I want to shout it till my lungs are sore, that, yes, I think about it, yes, I miss it, yes I need some of it to be happy. It's just too late now.

Image : Tsukasa in Tokyo Crazy Paradise. Some Extra.

Mr. Curiosity

It takes some fears to make you trust, it takes those tears to make it rust

Ow, back to work... So painful. Getting up early -even though it's what I've been doing for the whole holiday-, studying, listening during class... Well, that's how my life looks like. It's kind of tiring, ne ? But on the other side, it's so much fun being with them all, laughing, smiling, chatting. So I'll just bear with school for a while longer, I guess -like I'd have the choice !
Anyway, strange things are happening. My private life seems to become more than « private ». Then, what's the point of saying "private", you say ! I'm wondering too. First, who could possibly spread the word ? I mean, among the very few people I told about it, who'd find some fun telling everybody ? Whatever. I guess I'll never know... But damn, it's frustrating.
Other than that, what's with me being this paper ? A little sense, come on... Like I'd do something without writing my name, knowing that's what I want to do later ? I'd have taken that like a training... Oh well, just think however you want, if you like thinking for nothing.
It takes no time to fall in love... But it takes you years to know what love is
Ah, Jason, your lyrics are always so true. No worries, I'm not going to blabber about "what is love ?" and "how do you know it's love ?", I just wanted to quote him (Jason Mraz) and his song (Life is Wonderful) because I reaaally like it. Well, you could say I just reaaally like him. And him too, which is probably why I'm listening to this song again and again ; maybe just trying to grasp its feeling, its depth. Or is it just me seeing all this in one song ? Maybe. It wouldn't be so surprising, knowing my current state of mind...
Unfortunately, looks like I'm the only one not calling it a filthy trick. Almost the only one... Well, maybe not the only one ! Strange, isn't it ? Me being happy, oh, bad move. "It's not that you're happy, it's the way you use to be happy". Haha.
Anywayyy, things will remain just the same. They'll stay like they are and that's fine with. We'll do the same, and even if it's not fine with somebody... Eheh. What the hell do I care ?
Looking at God but he's looking at you

Okay, now that I've talked about it : Jason Mraz - Life is Wonderful. I'm just asking to, please, listen to the lyrics...

Image : some « random » feet. (the copyright's still effective)