September's now here, end of summer, end of holidays... Where did it go ?! Man, I'm going to college... College. Big word, big meaning, big changes. I can't believe I'll be into this only a week from now ! It's like... Real, but, not real. I really want to see how it is but at the same time I want to enjoy my easy life a little more. Well, it's here so, let's just wait for the big wave to come...
Sometimes I'm just wondering... Will I succeed ? Will I be one of the best ? Will I be one of the worst ? Will I get to be what I want to be in the future, have a nice carreer and all ? These are all normal questions about future, but I just can't help wondering...
Apart from that, what to say ? End of high school... Well I'm pretty proud I should say. I don't want to sound pretentious or anything but, getting two prices (history being the one I wanted !) and being over 80%, isn't that a nice score ? At least it made me feel relieved and happy with myself. And that's just what I wished for ! So it made me have a nice holiday.
To tell the truth, there's another reason why the holidays were this good. During the exams, I got to know someone, and you could say... it worked out pretty well ! It's been two months and a half, something like that, but it is just... What I want. What I need. I just feel it is the relationship I needed to mature, to grow a little more.
Of course, I'm not saying anything like "it's the man of my dreams, we'll get married someday" (oh hell no, how horribly sweet is this ?!) but I think it is just healthy, it feels nice, it is... complete. That's the word ! I feel complete with him. No reason to argue, just the urge to see each other and to be together.
Well, I must admit this urge is particularly visible now he's gone for a week (it's already been five days)... At times I feel like crying just because he's not here and I miss him. Okay, I admit I'm really tired these days and it has something to do with it for sure. But I really miss him. And it's hard to realise that it feels a little painful when he has a lot of fun and I'm stuck here at home. I mean, I'm not anywhere near jaleous, but... Come on. He's sleeping in the room with two girls ! I know they're just friends, and I totally trust him... It's just, inside. A lingering feeling I can't do anything about. It's a lot of firsts for him, and knowing he's living all this with her... is just kind of hard.
But... whatever. Who cares ? These are just my two a.m. thoughts anyway, so...
Oh, just another thing. He's probably not going to read this but, I'm rooting for you man, and like I said, if you need any support, just feel free to tell me. A lot has happened but I feel like you don't need any more argument or anything like that... So I feel sorry for you and I hope you'll feel better with the time... (imagine this with a smile on my face)
Emma, from the manga Emma. Sky And Sand, Paul Kalkbrener.
