Got no reason got no shame, got no family I can blame, just don't let me disappear
Hey ! Still alive ? Yeah, yeah, me too -I know it didn't seem like it... Right now I'm writing from Japan. I'm here for 3 weeks, for the holidays, plus learning the language in a school. I'm homestaying.
First - My family is a bit... how should I put it? ... special. They really stick to the stupid rules of the school : be back at 9(pm...), call before 3pm if you don't eat there the night. PLUS, their rules : they don't really like me going out when the sun is setting ("you're going to meet the people who go out when it's dark"... DUH in the morning, I meet the people who go out in the morning, so WHAT?), I have to get up at max. 8am (which is crazy because I have class only in the afternoon !) and help with the house work... I don't really mind that last thing but... Come on, she's a housewife !
Pff... Sorry, I'm a little tired. This morning (it's a sunday, and, yes, we have to wake up at 8), the kid (a 4-year-old girl, totally selfish and spoiled) cried from 6 to 8.30 NON STOP. Yeah her teeth hurt, so what ? Right now I don't give a damn.
I should explain. My room is downstairs, just beside the living room. Since they wake up so damn early in the morning, I'm up every day at around 6. I can't go back to real sleep at this hour so I'm tired.
Second- The school is nice. I made a friend (R.), French guy... He's so nice ! We're in the same class and it's so much fun with him. My cousin is here too, and it's a good opportunity to talk a bit with him -mostly about family, because I haven't been able to do so up till now.
Third - .... I miss my country. I miss the people there. I miss my culture. I miss my family. I miss my friends !
The people here... They're polite, but they're not nice. They're so closed on themselves... The other day, the father was like "Why would I need a passport ? I don't want to go abroad and since it's an island there's no risk of crossing a border".... And that made him laugh. What's funny ? Geez, you're not the best culture ever, you don't have everything, your country is not perfect !
... I just feel disappointed. I expected something... different. Nice people maybe, not the ones that litterally stare at you in the streets, or at least open people. I don't know.
dimanche 11 juillet 2010
mardi 23 mars 2010
Someone's Gotta Go
You know that I love you so... I love you enough to let you go
Ouch... Four months is a bit... long. But I've been so busy, I kind of forgot to tell about my life. Exams, holidays, then university again, more people, laziness,... I don't know, it just slipped out of my mind. It's funny because, I almost always come here when I'm feeling down. Not that I'm on my knees or anything right now but I felt like writing ; moreover, it's been such a long time. Funny too because, it's especially when I need to talk about heartaches and stuff like that...
Basically, everything is all right, even perfect right now. But long term, I feel like I'm going to suffer -I, or we I mean. You know, it's going pretty well ; I'm feeling so good when I'm with him, I want to be with him all day, I think about him so often... It's different from the other times. Thinking about parting, it's making me feel so lost, I can't imagine being without him right now. I know it doesn't sound like me, and I realise it everyday, but that's how I feel.
I know I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out, I'm nothing without you
'Cause we belong together now, forever united here somehow, you got a piece of me, and honestly... My life would suck without you
However, we are so different. There's a side of him that I can't really agree with, or bear maybe. Another part of him is missing his friends that are away, the things he's done with them -go out all night, stuff like that-, and maybe the guy he was with them. He tells me he's fine with how he is now, because it's true that he has changed a lot, but I can't help but be afraid he is going to feel... "empty", maybe one day he will start thinking that he preferred how he was before...
Of course it's just me thinking too much but, you know, what can I do ? I can't help it. This side of him, I can't make it disappear -nor do I want to-, it partly makes him who he is.
He says he can't be « really himself » with me because of that side, even though he's really happy like that... But that's the reason why I can never be the one that knows him best, I can't be there for everything for him... And that hurts. It hurts a lot. It's scaring me, because almost every time we argue, it's over the same thing. I'm trying not to be too annoying but I can't help it either, I'm like that... A friend told me, « the only thing you can do is to accept the fact that you won't know him to the fullest and make the best of this ». And I know it's the only solution but... You know, it's hard. Because I love him so much...
I didn't come here to hurt you now, I can't stop...
And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better
From Goong.
Ouch... Four months is a bit... long. But I've been so busy, I kind of forgot to tell about my life. Exams, holidays, then university again, more people, laziness,... I don't know, it just slipped out of my mind. It's funny because, I almost always come here when I'm feeling down. Not that I'm on my knees or anything right now but I felt like writing ; moreover, it's been such a long time. Funny too because, it's especially when I need to talk about heartaches and stuff like that...
Basically, everything is all right, even perfect right now. But long term, I feel like I'm going to suffer -I, or we I mean. You know, it's going pretty well ; I'm feeling so good when I'm with him, I want to be with him all day, I think about him so often... It's different from the other times. Thinking about parting, it's making me feel so lost, I can't imagine being without him right now. I know it doesn't sound like me, and I realise it everyday, but that's how I feel.
I know I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out, I'm nothing without you
'Cause we belong together now, forever united here somehow, you got a piece of me, and honestly... My life would suck without you
However, we are so different. There's a side of him that I can't really agree with, or bear maybe. Another part of him is missing his friends that are away, the things he's done with them -go out all night, stuff like that-, and maybe the guy he was with them. He tells me he's fine with how he is now, because it's true that he has changed a lot, but I can't help but be afraid he is going to feel... "empty", maybe one day he will start thinking that he preferred how he was before...
Of course it's just me thinking too much but, you know, what can I do ? I can't help it. This side of him, I can't make it disappear -nor do I want to-, it partly makes him who he is.
He says he can't be « really himself » with me because of that side, even though he's really happy like that... But that's the reason why I can never be the one that knows him best, I can't be there for everything for him... And that hurts. It hurts a lot. It's scaring me, because almost every time we argue, it's over the same thing. I'm trying not to be too annoying but I can't help it either, I'm like that... A friend told me, « the only thing you can do is to accept the fact that you won't know him to the fullest and make the best of this ». And I know it's the only solution but... You know, it's hard. Because I love him so much...
I didn't come here to hurt you now, I can't stop...
And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better
From Goong.
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