Sometimes I really wish I hadn't come. I wish I'd stayed back there, even though the lessons were much easier, but where I still could have spent such a nice year. I'm growing angry now, even soured. It's like I'm aging without the years in between. School days, homework, English lessons... So boring. All of it. Except maybe for my friends -you know, the ones who like me. They're keeping my head out of water, if I can say so ; my brother is, too. Especially him. If you have one, don't worry about arguing ; the time will come when both of you can talk freely. And it's a great time.
Apart from that, what could I say ? Committees seem strangely far away, and strangely... not there. Oh, my bad. It's only normal : they're not. Whatever, why do I spend my time complaining about those stupid things that won't change ? So useless. What could I possibly do to make something good happen...
Love's not on my list right now -nor does it seem to be on my way. Friends have been for long -they're doing a great job here. Family, he's there for me too. But there's something missing. Peace of mind ? Real happiness ? No. That's not what's missing, that's the point. So what ? Maybe a little more mature people. Some who can listen to you without asking you -so politely...- to shut your mouth. The ones you meet where you weren't expecting them. But the problem is, now you don't know where to look anymore. Know why ? Because there aren't any left.
Were you really expecting more than this few ? Come on, you were getting your hopes up all by yourself. Just look where you are. You're not with grown-ups. You're in high school. And, you don't know why, but they just seem to get more stupid by the time they're growing up. Funny, huh ? I guess that's just how things are.
Oh my, what am I saying. I'll get scolded again ! « You're so arrogant, so full of yourself, you horrible geek. Just go back to your books, as you always do. » Right, of course. I spend my time studying. I have no social life. I don't know what "fun" means. You know what ? At least I know what « brain » means ! And then you look at all those little remarks and you think : « Don't they have anything in their life, making them happy, except mocking others ? But what the hell are they going to do later ? » You know, college's not high school. If you draw your path by laughing at others from the beginning, you're not going to make as much friends as here. But well, I'd really like to see you try.
Because, yes, I'd find that so funny, watching you drown.
Image : Maria, Akuma To Love Song.
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